Jaded Panda

I will never work in marketing again

I will never work in marketing again. I’m not “in” marketing, I’m a software developer but I just finished a stint working for a marketing company for 2 years and I’ve come away with only one lesson - marketing is where the losers with no fucking skills go. They get degrees in “mass communications” and then weasel their way into a paying job because back when they had to decided what to do in life they decided that they would like to be lazy and create baubles with no practical worth. They didn’t want to improve the world by gathering useful skills. No instead they decided that they would ride the easiest job they could while pretending to be a skilled worker peddling any snake oil they can find.

If you work in marketing I pity you, but I would face punch you in a heart beat for your ignorance. You’re a bitch and I am your god. I own you in every way possible. Why? Because your job is a fucking joke. Copywriters write the words, designers put together the creative designs, developers write any functionality, printers handle the hard copy, and you do.. what exactly? Let me guess, you’re an “idea person”. Aka, a useless fuck. Every time I hear someone say they are an idea person I hear “I am not skilled enough to do it, but I want to chime in anyway”. Go read another trade rag sucking your own dicks you useless fucks. You are dead to me.

free time = my latest project

No talk on the cages this time, that bullshit must wait. I’ve decided to work on a new piece of art that can basically be summed up as 3D visualization of software processes/computation. I would like to be able to run a program and step through the entire process with complete forward/backward capability and the ability to move the camera/view around this visualization. I’m not sure what the end result will be but imagine this - one can open this tool and then record a specific process, then play the whole thing back through an aesthetically pleasing artistic display. I feel it would be intriguing enough to draw people in if done well, maybe drawing some kids into computing the way I was as a child. I’m classifying it as art to avoid any temptations to make it some 3D debugger tool used by developers. That would bring too much responsibility and hence become a pain in the ass. This tool will be entirely self-indulgent.

I have yet to decide on 3D platform but I basically have a choice of direct X or open GL combined with either c++, c# or object-C depending on if I use the mac or use my windows platform. I have much more experience with c# so I will probably lean that way, although object-c/open GL is interesting and seems fairly straight forward from the things I’ve done.

I think a good prototype might be a simple breadboard type of display where the abstractions are very very simple and then go from there. Who knows what I can find, maybe a better way to view running programs will come out of it. Or maybe just some pretty pictures. Either way, it gives me something to work on.

What are The Cages?

What are the cages? The cages are the end of of war and the beginning of true global peace, the end of starvation and strife. A united world, all in cages. Imagine a peaceful world where each human lived in a small dwelling for 22 hours a day and then 2 hours of intense rest and relaxation under the sun. A world of peace. I’ve answered some common questions below in the first of an ongoing series.

What exactly is a cage?
Cages are a man’s dwelling, where one lives for the majority of his life if he is not working, procreating, or using his rest time to enjoy the outside world*. A typical cage will have all the amenities a man needs. From a kitchen to a bathroom to a place to sleep, an average cage will be a luxury dwelling indeed. Cage size will vary, with cage ownership being decided by a skill-game** system using a cage trade index.

*outside world is defined as public courtyard in local cage community
**Skill game to be defined by community using cage social interaction/entertainment system

Why do we need the cages?
For our safety and true peace humanity must be caged for the majority of his life. He must have a strict doctrine he follows everyday in peace, otherwise he is unhappy. Safety and peace are the main concern of the cages. One cannot fight another when one is caged. We must strive for a Utopian world where there is no death or even any conflict. We must not subject ourselves to such emotions. We must rise above that and live in peace, in the cages. It just makes sense.

What will I do for work?
Occupations will vary but but will be categorized into a few major types:
1. Merchant
2. Security
3. Entertainment
4. Health & Science

One’s occupation will depend on a lottery system where one’s parents can gain entries based on one’s current cage dwelling size and total assets combined with the inherited wealth from previous generations. One can gain quite a lot of assets in the cages even if one decides instead to choose public service over being a merchant in any of the other areas. Total assets will define a child’s likeliness of winning entry to a good career.

What is The Cage Network?
The cage network is how you communicate with other humans in their cages. Social networking will be used to it’s fullest, with full wall displays and 3D audio bringing live remote-cast virtual communities together to enjoy their free time. This same network will be used to trade cage commodities and consumer goods by both merchants professionally and anyone that has saved enough wealth to participate.

What assets does one have?
A few things:

1. Everyone owns their own cage, they can use this as collateral in a cage trade system. If one defaults one swaps to a smaller cage with the person that covered their default using a cage collateral short, or CCS.
2. Everything one owns will reside in his cage, these are his hard assets.
3. Everyone will trade goods and services using a United Credit or UniCred with the value being defined by the cage central bank and it’s board. Value must be determined in secret for security reasons and to ensure the sovereignty of each cage owner/dweller. Assets stored as UniCreds are considered soft assets and are regulated by a strict system of checks and balances defined by the cage community.

Who runs the cages?
Cages will be maintained by their owners and also the community will be responsible for public spaces such as the mandatory community courtyard. Cage administration will be done by the Cage Administration Authority, a branch of the Cage United Democratic Government.

I leave you with that last one a bit ambiguous. I promise I will discuss more on this in my next peace: Cage Community, A New Vision of Peace.

Engine room, wierd shit at flank speed!

I’ve decided to post my weird shit here. No one knows me here so fuck you. No not you, the guy behind you. Yeah that asshole. Look at him, all smug like a rich bitch that just got a spray on tan. He’s probably plotting our demise. Or worse, thinking of driving slow in the fast lane while on the cell phone saying phrases like “game changer” and “synergize this”. Either way it’s a capital offense. I say we walk over, ask for a light, and then stomp him until we hear a little girl crying. Come on, stop being a bitch. Just get up, go over and smack the shit out of him like you got white gloves on then challenge him to a duel. Pistols at dawn bitch.

I bet you won’t. Because you’re a fucking coward. I gotta do everything myself for fuck’s sake.

Headshot!

No not the cool kind where you blow someone’s head off. No I’m talking about the pictures of people’s faces that accompany so much on the web these days. To me it’s wierd. I don’t need to see you unless you are freakishly strange and worth a look, or insanely beautiful.

Headshots remind me of the pictures my daughter and her friends always take, that could be summed up as “too cool for you”. I call it delusional. But at least she has an excuse.

I dont feel artistic enough for tumblr

I feel like I need a head shot with me in horn-rimmed glasses looking off into the distance, perhaps visualizing a shamwow.

Seriously though, I’m not sure what to make of tumblr. I feel like I would be breaking the mold here if I started ranting on tech and my day job. Perhaps if I added a quote from Nitsche?

“Shamwow. It’s from Germany and you know they make good stuff”

Don’t ask me about my shamwow obsession. I have no clue why I love it so.